I have come to understand that of myself, I am nothing. Thus, I greatly value humility and I am not fond about talking about myself, but I also understand that my experiences can serve as a helpful example for others who may have similar traumas, experiences, doubts, or fears.
First, I try to serve God and a higher good in all that I do. Sometimes I am more successful than others, but I don't fall into any guilt around it. This service is not done out of some obligation but out of immense joy. I don't know exactly why this is the case, but I am very grateful it is. So I love God and life truly with all of my heart, mind, body, and soul.
I also deeply love my wife Janice and our children. I am grateful for the love and compassion they showed me through some difficult healing times where I went through long periods of fear, anger, and depression. My family has grounded me in this life, which is what I needed to bridge the worldly and the spiritual. They have been my mirrors and my teachers, as I have done the same for them, and we are lucky that we are all individually committed to growing and being the best version of ourselves.
My life has consisted of a lot of growth and awakening to a greater reality of who I truly am in God. I went through a long journey of emotional and spiritual healing that had its start in sexual abuse by my mother. This abuse had severe ramifications as to how I saw myself, as I came out of it with a large amount of shame, guilt, fear, and self-judgment. I also had highly distorted views of love, especially since the abuse happened during puberty.
The Universe provided numerous vehicles for my healing, including many years of therapy but also many others tools such as books, retreats, dreams, drumming, and certainly my close relationships. I had a strong drive to be free of what was poisoning my life and relationships and to reach a place of nonjudgment and recognition of the unity of everything, especially my oneness with God. I can't say that the journey was easy, or that it is finished as we are continually moving into deeper layers of our divinity, but I can say that I'm extremely grateful for it and for the changes that have come. I was able to move from a victim mentality to a warrior one, which has enabled me to surrender and to flow with the changes in life much more easily. I have also almost completely let go of the need to control, which is a result of having been abused.
The abuse served as an impetus and vehicle for me to heal my relationship with God. For instance, as I worked through my guilt around the abuse, my guilt around my relationship with God was also coming up. My false beliefs were that I had sinned against God, which led to the guilt and a belief I should be punished. This is a foundational belief that a large majority of people hold, regardless of whether they believe in God or not. Because of the changes that resulted from my healing, in many ways the abuse was a gift to me.
While undergoing the healing mentioned above, I was fully in the world, operating within many business arenas. I have worked for many years for my family's printing business, but I have also worked for or been associated with many large multinational corporations. On the other end of the spectrum, I was an investor and early stage helper of two startups which failed, and one, HUSO sound therapy, which I cofounded and has been successful, impacting others worldwide in a very positive way.
I hope that my experiences can help you see what is possible to achieve or change in your life. In God, all things are possible. You only need to ask for help and then be willing to follow whatever you are shown as the path forward, even if you have a belief that causes resistance in you.
Blessings to you,
“Fear is a gift. It is a message telling us to either move away from something or move toward it. Understanding which direction to move requires inner work. Lawrence Doochin's A Book On Fear brings this important message to life. His work is a gift that perfectly meets the global moment in which we find ourselves.”
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The Divine Speaks: Sayings About Life, Love, and God (Volume 1) is POWERFUL. I cannot recommend highly enough for anyone mindful of their own journey or looking for a different perspective on the unexplainable forces in life. Accessibly written in short, deeply resonant sayings, the foreward says it all: flip to a random page, and you WILL find what you need.
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